The Last Barman Poet

I'm growing mildly concerned that 'A Pint for the Ghost' has been a bit heavy on the 'ghost' recently and a bit light on the 'pint'. Relish that sentence - it's probably the only time you'll hear me utter the word 'light' in relation to beer drinking. To redress the balance, I considered going for a heavy session down at Tweedies, (which, incidentally, has my nemesis, Old Rosie on tap again today) but instead I thought I'd plug a fantastic ongoing pub-themed poetry project, organised by Ross Sutherland.

'The Last Barman Poet' is a tongue-in-cheek tribute to the piss-poor poem Tom Cruise performs at the end of the 1981 film Cocktail, gyrating his way around the bar and proclaiming the superior quality of his Sex on the Beach. If you were lucky enough to escape that episode the first time round, you can watch Tom in all his Youtube glory here. Ross has been inviting poets to contribute homages, covers and remixes of the Cruise poem for a special 'Homework' event in London on September 29th.

The idea for the event originally came from the Aristocrats joke. To quote Ross' site, this is "a (pretty unfunny) joke that US comedians use to show off their stagecraft. The joke itself is a test pattern; it’s down to the comic telling the joke to add their own brand of flair, and hopefully make it funny. The organisers of Homework wondered—is it possible to create an Aristocrats for poets? A poem so bad that the writer would have to use all their ingenuity and talent to make it worthwhile?" Only the evening of the 29th will tell...

So far, the project blog has seen an enticing array of poetic cocktails, from poets such as Luke Kennard, Tim Wells, Niall O'Sullivan and many, many more. There's even a Last Barman rap. I couldn't let the opportunity to write about a bar pass me by, so I've contributed a few verses too. My piece is about the Last Poet Bar, narrated in the voice of a grumpy Yorkshire drinking establishment. No idea where the inspiration for that could have come from.You can read my efforts here. And if you're in London on September 29th, you can attend the Homework extravaganza!

What are you waiting for? The bar is open...